Thursday, June 27, 2013

Guest Blog! From A Complete Weirdo!

So since i haven't had the time to post much, i have convinced a friend of mine to make a blog post.  Let me give you a short history on him: he is a self proclaimed OCD patient, he has the most random thought pattern i have ever seen in a person and he is so particular, it is ANNOYING.

Let me know what you think (and please, be seriously honest).

Putting it out there: reading this blog’s title, with a left-to-right orientation, would insight you on how serious this blog is…

The current state of mind: this blog is being typed during office hours while having a “I don’t give two flying fucks about work today” attitude, after having a foot-long of a subway club that was, most probably, prepared by a pharmacistwith an extensive knowledge in the sleeping pills industry! It’s the 2nd post-lunch espresso so far, and this is going nowhere… by nowhere I mean, bed, mattress, pillow, 18C AC, kinda nowhere.

My first time: considering the fact that this is my first blog ever, I can only say that this is going to be one interesting typing session. In person, things are easier and you can tell who the shiteater is and who isn’t? I just do it for the sake of enjoying the look on other people’s faces when I eventually tell them that I am a serial killer… PRICELESS! How can I be more honest? Yes I am closed up about sharing my thoughts with cyber people, but let’s just look at this to be part of the wing clipping exercise I am currently undergoing.

The background check: a very honest, reliable, dependent, OCD patient with a sick musical appetite who is holding a bachelor of sciences in Hospitality Management after having graduated with honors grades and has been offered a scholarship to pursue his MBA in Switzerland…Naah, drop that part, I have a 2.8/4 GPA with nothing close to being recommended to any foreign college. I’ve been living in Muscat for the past 3-ish years, heading the business development department in one the random companies over here, (YES, I TALK FOR A LIVING). On one hand, I don’t mind going out and trying new places in this rabbit hole we live in, as long as it’s not repetitive. On the other hand, which is an almost always-happening occurrence; I prefer/enjoy cooking my own meals, with a good glass of fermented grape juice. If all else fails, by that I mean running out of cooking gaz and booz, Za’tar&Kiri and some Coca-Cola Zero is always, somehow, a better alternative.
Why? That’s a very good question, thank you. You say why? I say why not? Everything will eventually have its first time, so I prefer doing it by choice rather than chance.

Yes, I just had a monologue and pretended I was being interviewed.

The wing clipping exercise: well you already know by now that I have an OCD thing. By that you must (MUST, NOT SHOULD) automatically relate that to the idea that I am a control freak who likes to plan everything out without any room for error. But recently, I have been put in a situation where I had this serious talk with myself about the topic of compromise. So what is compromise, for me at least? My lame subject that I used to open up with ladies in efforts to convey them that I am a gentleman (in reality I am) who is willing to let go of certain stuff for the sake of his princess charming… In reality, I’ve never been in more of compromising situation than the current one. The mumbo jumbo bullshit that I used to pick up from movies and sitcoms and use on ladies, came to an actual recto-verso reality…

The surprisingly unfortunate & ugly truth: Guess fucking what? I have recently met with, shaked hands with, had a beer with, swam with, had a shisha with, kissed, a person that I eventually figured out to being the female version of me… (Putting the OCD thing apart because she has mess-loving & tidiness-abhorring tendencies). Let’s call her Karma for the time being, shall we? On a side note and before you jumping into conclusion, no I am not talking about C. I am just taking for granted the fact that she, already, is a blogger and I seriously do not have time to sign up to new shit… She knows it better, anyways.

Karma, at a glance: so whenever you’re having those morality check topics with any of your friends (no matter what their gender is), the first thing that pops up is… wtf? Karma? Why? It’s such an ass-bite... up until I met with my Karma, I had the same understanding and I would, most-probably, change the topic instantly and start talking about any random shit that comes on to my sick, deviated brain.Since I am a musical freak, I will be quoting Slash’s words, from Guns&Roses, for a much more debauched explanation...And for what it’s worth, well-said buddy! “Once you’ve lived a little you will find that whatever you send out into the world comes back to you in one way or another. It may be today, tomorrow, or years from now, but it happens; usually when you least expect it, usually in a form that’s pretty different from the original. Those coincidental moments that change your life seem random at the time but I don’t think they are. At least that’s how it’s worked out in my life. And I know I’m not the only one.” Amen to that!

Now what? I actually have everything planned out in my again, sick and deviated brain. However, theory is only related to reality by a very thread line. And, since this chapter of my life seems like the decisive kinda one, I, have somehow decided to take very good care of that thread line’s maintenance because it’s not every day that I meet with somebody whom I allow to bend my plans… (For you it might not mean anything, but for me... that’s a lot) Talking to Karma, the real Karma not my own, I tell you “bra-fuckin-vo…my medicine tastes very good” and quote from Naughty Boy’s single and again, tell you:
“I'm covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing, I go la lala.
I'm turning up the volume when you speak, because if my heart can't stop it, I found a way to block it, I go, La la, la lala...
La la, la lala...”

I justfinishedmy 3rdespressobtw... J
Was this serious? Serious this was…
“Well done, you just sounded like Yoda”
Over and out…

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Dating in Oman: It's a jungle out there!

This post will probably be the first of a series of posts of my disastrous nights out.
Let’s start with the typical dating scene shall we?  You get dressed up, and go to a bar, where you are hoping prince charming is waiting for you, to strike up a conversation, where sparks will fly and you will hit it off straight away. Of course, since prince charming is indeed, charming, he will ask you on a proper date.
The reality of things is far from it.  In fact, prince charming is a drunk guy who came there with his friends to meet ladies, and the first question they ask you when they approach you is, hey, are you single? I mean, don’t you think you should know my first name before you find out if I am single or not? And then of course, they stick to you like ants stick on candy, until you, the non-smoker, pretend to go out for a smoke, and stay there until they are gone. And since the guy is not actually charming, it will not end there. They will try time and again to talk to you, ignoring your eyes rolling, your sarcasm and your clear discomfort, until you either leave the building entirely, or you call security. At the end of the night, when you are home and the sky high heels are off, you come back to reality.  
The truth is, we expect too much when we actually expect a normal conversation with a prince charming in places like Left Bank.  It is a jungle out there, and some people are fine with that.  Yesterday evening,  I witnessed with my own eyes 2 ladies pick up guys at the bar.  So if there is genuine interest from both sides, it will happen, and sparks (or hormones in this case) will fly, but if there isn’t interest, guys, please leave the girl alone and let her enjoy her night out away from you and your alcohol induced confidence!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Strange Things I See At Gym….

I am not really sure if this happens in all the gyms in Oman, but here are some really weird things, and things that piss me off at gym (I use Horizon, just like most people out there, and my branches are Khwair and Qurum, depending on how lazy I am to drive).

Dress Code- OK, people, I am not saying look like a Nike add, but seriously, keep your pajamas at home! I keep seeing ladies in pajamas-LITERALLY.

Mobile Phones- its fine if you pick up the phone calls at gym, whatever, it's your choice, but next time I see a girl occupying one of the machines just to sit there and chat on BBM, I think  I will break the damn phone.

Loud Annoying Ladies- go have coffee if you want to talk! There I was on the treadmill the other day, and 2 ladies on each side were having a lovely conversation. My ears were about to bleed.

And speaking of ladies- why the heck are we not allowed to be in mixed gyms anymore?! On one hand, I am very happy I finally can go to a gym without having some weirdo stare at my ass as I am running, but on the other hand, if you are going to separate the genders, have the same timings for both! Why do guys get to have early morning workouts, while we ladies have to go after work?! What if I decide to someday, become one of those heath nuts who go to gym at 7 AM!? Do I not get options?!

Again, speaking of ladies- the other day I actually saw a lady put on full makeup.  I thought to myself I wish I was as bothered as her to not look like a wet cat after my workouts, but then I saw her walk into the gym. It turns out her eyeliner and lip-gloss were a pre workout warm-up.

Useless trainers- I know I don’t pay for the 1 on 1 training sessions, but the trainers do shit all. They don’t even care if you are using the leg machines for arm workouts. If you dislocate your head, it is your problem because you didn’t pay a shit load to get individual training sessions.


Friday, March 8, 2013

Bank Muscat- In Case Of Emergency, You Are Fucked.

As soon as someone moves to Oman, the first question they usually have is, which bank do I use? And the common answer to that question is Bank Muscat.  I even recommend it to anyone who moves here because it is the most common one in the country, it is practical since it has ATMs everywhere, and they have branches all over the place.  At the end of the day, your bank should be practical, reachable and helpful. right?  I've been with Bank Muscat since I moved to here, and here is the facts that they DON'T tell you when you are about to have your account set up there:

Even though there are more ATMs than speed bumps, most of them don't work. Shit happens, I get it, but why the heck is it that whenever we REALLY need an ATM, a bunch of them don't work all at the same time?! 

We are in the year 2013, and we still sometimes have the issue of the POS not working, because the line is busy. And this is when you have the awkward waiting in the supermarket or the shop, while getting the judgmental looks from your fellow shoppers, who are thinking A) you bitch, you are holding up the line, or B) if you can't afford it, why did you buy it? 

Forget online banking.  I am not sure if i am the unlucky one here, but every time i requested my password, I go back to get the same answer: you are too late and we had to destroy the password. I gave up, who needs online banking anyway?! A message, or a phone call would have been nice before you destroy all 5 of my passwords!

Their "travelers card" system is retarded. Or maybe they employ people who don't actually know how to explain what it is.  I needed to travel to Armenia last month, and decided to make a USD traveler's card, to simplify my life.  When I spoke to the agent, she said yes, it is in USD, and yes, it will work anywhere there they take US Dollars.  I was happy and amazed that I got my card instantly.  Once in Armenia, I was ready to pay for my hotel with this so called travelers card, and SURPRISE! It didn't work (Thankfully I had other cards with me, being the shit magnet that I am).  When I got back to Oman, Bank Muscat explained to me that it didn't work because I was not in America, and the USD card is only for America. I will not go into details of how I expressed my anger that day in the bank.

This is all personal banking issues. there is also lovely  mess ups that they have with company accounts, screw ups with salary transfers and unexplained delays.

Bottom line is, this is Bank Muscat for you.  Do i still have my account with them? yes, and do i still recommend it to people? i do, but now if i have a few minutes, i warn them first.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Back with a Vengeance...

I just realized that the last time I blogged was a year ago, on the 16th of March 2012.  I wanted to make a dramatic entrance by blogging exactly a year later, but since I am inspired right now, and I have no idea what i will be doing on the 16th March 2013, here I am! I hope you didn't forget me! :)

Well, since this is the first post in a LOOONG time, here are my lame ass excuses for not blogging:
I had no time. Well, now that I look back, I probably did have time, I just spent my time doing god knows what. I don't even know how the hell that year passed.
I had no computer. I wish it was a lie, but my computer broke. Literally broke. It didn't break down. It just kind of split to half and there is no way to fix it.  I had another spare computer that got taken over by a virus. I am pretty sure the universe didn't want me to have access to my blog.
I had a shit year. If you know me, you know why. If you don't know me, let's just say I'm glad THAT passed with no serious injuries.
My rage issues could not be contained. And even though I don't have the most positive blog on the block, I had some serious rage issues, so if I had blogged, I would probably have a lot of name bashing and some not so pretty posts.

Meanwhile, here are some interesting facts about my year:
I had 3 different hair colours in 12 months. It went from Blonde to Brown to Orange. I can't count the weird shades that I had in between, but I can gladly say that I am finally back to normal blonde.
The quote of the year was "stable is a place where horses lived."
I came to the realization that my dog owns us. It's a sad fact, and we finally accept it.
My shoe addiction is on an all time high.

Last but not least ( I hope), Muscat, what the hell!?- Lessons I learnt about Muscat:

Ladies, we will never have good hair days in summer. Just give up.
We now have a big bus tour. YAY. It's actually so funny to watch the tourists sitting all miserable, with fuzzy hair and red cheeks, trying to breathe, looking around with the "what the hell" look on their faces! live entertainment people!
I went through a very private breakup. Except I realized nothing is very private in this town. My advice on dating in Muscat is, keep it a secret. Don't confirm or deny anything, and don't ever have public displays of affection unless you are ready to become the local topic of the day. Every day. For weeks.  Yes, I can mention it now, and will blog about it more, because if you get to bitch about it, might as well hear my side. (Shoutout to everyone involved! xoxo)
Speaking of breakups and hookups, the other sad fact I learnt about this town is, the dating scene is practically nonexistent. So here is a little advice for guys out there:  If you want to date someone, don't meet them in a bar, and start your sentence with "Yo, are you single!?" no one wants to meet the drunken, overly confident version of yourself, so please, watch some romantic comedies and LEARN something.

That's all for now!  More random posts coming up soon!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Public Beaches and Bikinis...

Well, I’ve been in every single beach out  there. From Shatti, to PDO, to the interior.  We always end up with the same issue.  A freak either sitting and staring, or taking pictures, or a video (or doing all of that at once). 

The first time I went to the beach in Oman was in Qantab.  I was wearing a dress, because we didn’t even plan to swim.  Some creep was taking pictures, and my mom automatically went to the guy, and forced him to delete the pictures.  She threatened him that she will break the camera if she sees him doing that again.

It didn’t take long for us to realize that public beaches and bikinis don’t match.  We’ve had people taking pictures all the time; we’ve had one group who literally sat there, behind us, staring at us the entire time even though we moved a bunch of times. Once my sister got so angry in shatti beach at a guy taking a picture of us, that she actually threw his phone in the sea! The guy had to go and pick up his phone and until now I am not sure if he had to buy a new one.  Yes so we have rage issues in the family… that is a whole different post I guess.

I debated for the longest time if it is worth paying to enjoy a private beach, and today I realized that it totally is.  I went to the Oman Dive Center, enjoyed an entire day sun tanning, and didn’t even get stared at once.

Friday, March 2, 2012

A Few Updates Here And There…

·         I broke my phone somehow, the speaker wasn’t working properly, and I decided to get it fixed in Zakher Mall.  It took them 3 attempts and 3 angry visits from me to get my phone “fixed”.   First they fucked up the screen, then they screwed up the keypad and 3 trips and a lot of shouting later, I now I have a phone that types Z instead of Y and vice versa. I am afraid If I go back to the same shop for the 4th time, I will be blogging from a jail cell, so I decided to calm down before paying the fucktards another visit.

·         We found out that this weird guy is hanging out right outside our door in the middle of the night. I am not sure what he is doing there, but my dog isn’t too happy about it, so if I don’t end up jailed for killing the phone guy, I  am pretty sure I will be in a lawsuit after I let my dog loose on the dude outside the door.

·         Since I’ve been having a shit time in Muscat, we actually went to Jabal Shams for a camping trip last weekend. It was great and I highly recommend it.  Do try the trek once you are there.  I would actually go with Jabal Shams Resort (1, because they actually bother picking up their phone, 2, because they have an amazing service and a decent restaurant).  It was cold, so it almost felt like a winter vacation. Except for the fact that those kids bullied us into buying things we don’t need. Like rocks. Yes, they sell rocks there, and force you to buy them.

·         Talking about camping, I also highly recommend the Nando’s Peri Peri chicken marinade. It is freakin amazing, and I never knew chicken can actually taste that good! You can get it from Nando’s and from most supermarkets.

·          And since I am on the topic of food, I would have to say that I compared the fish and chips in O’Malley’s and Finneys, and Finneys wins (in my opinion).

·         On a different note, I can’t believe what I heard about the Opera this season. Apparently, during one of the Piano Recitals, people were REQUESTING SONGS.  If you freakin wana request songs, GO TO PAVO REAL AND KEEP SOME GOD DAMN CLASS IN THE OPERA HOUSE.